Trad em' All!!!!

OK I give in…this team is ruined, and we are in desperate need of some changes.

Let’s be honest…no cup contender team is going to drop 9/13 games with no goals in 4 games and come back to make a legit run at the cup. We may be able to make the playoffs because of our lucky beginning of the season, but we must think of the future. We’ve got no hope for this year, and it’s time we dished out he dead weight and make cap space to make some acquisitions this year.

First off ship Samsonov and Kovalev. These Turkeys have no heart, and play lazy every night. They are constant under achievers and get paid about 4M a year. Lapierre lately has been carrying this line, and our second line has been our worst in offence since the beginning of the year. Also Kovalev tends to take lazy penalties and is very selfish with the puck. I am positive they both have some value lef on the market, and I’ll take what ever I can. They may be good players but it’s not working here, so ship em’.

Second, what is Aebeicher doing here? Huet is our Number 1 goalie, and on a bad night can match Aebi’s good night. Trade him too, and I’m sure we can get some good stuff in return since there are a few teams out there looking for a goalie. Who will back up Huet you say? Danis is ready IMO and in two years anyways Price will be our new franchise goalie.

What is up with Perezhogin taking these lazy penalties every night? I say trade him! Throw him in with someone else (like Aebi) to sweeten the pot and we can get a a half decent second line center.

In Defense, what are we doing with Ninimaa? And Souray and Rivet (despite offensive power) are second in puck give-aways to Ryder (oh I’ll get to Ryder on the nest paragraph) So on the defensive end we ned a major overhaul. Souray wants a trade to get closer to his daughter anyway (even though his=s agent, the organization and even him self deny such rumours, we all know it’s true). Why do you think he worked so hard on his game? It was to merit a trade! So for Souray we can get someone who is defensively capable, and we can package Ninimaa and Rivet to a team who is in desperate need of defensemen and get someone who can score.

Why do we need someone who can score? Because Ryder cannot. The only think that monkey can do is loose the puck. Dropping him out of the team will increase our puck control by at least 20%.

I know this is unexpected on my part, but you guys know the information above is true! We have to go through these steps if we ever want to go for the cup in future years. But it doesn’t end here.

Although the coaching staff was praised earlier on in the year, the other teams have adjusted to our system, and we have not reciprocated. A coach needs to give new game plans when we’re down, not just say “wok harder”. Apparently Carbonneau, as a coach is not as capable as a player. So perhaps bringing him here was a mistake, because he is incapable of adjusting to this slump, and the losses keep on accumulating. Maybe it’s time we started looking at coaches?

If we’re looking at coaches, we also have to consider Kirk Muller and how much he really brings to the team. I mean, he’s just a pretty boy who shoots out “slogans” not a coach! If we are to win the cup one day we have to do a complete overhaul behind the bench.

As a final adjustment, there is one more person we have to consider. I know this will come out of left field, but bear with me. All these moves and decisions above are o obvious and so true, that we’re all wondering (or those of us who are realistic and not blinded by our foolish arrogance) why they have not been put in to motion? Who is responsible for doing such moves and making such decisions for the team. All fingers point to Bob Gainey. I know we all praised him earlier on in his contract, but obviously he is not a good GM and probably just got lucky in Dallas. Just something else to consider…

To summarise what is the end result? Get rid of: Samsonov, Kovalev, Aebicher, Perezhogin, Ninimaa, Souray, Rivet, Ryder, Carbonneau, Muller and finally Bob. This will lead to better draft choices, more cap-space to make acquisitions on the F/A market, more ice time for the young kids (bring them all up from Hamilton…they’re winning over there, so they’re bound to improve our record here), a better coaching staff, and a GM who is not afraid to make a move.

There we go fellow MNers, here is the solution to our problems.

P.S. OK I know it defeats the purpose if I say it, but if you’re still scratching your head after reading the update, I suggest you go to wikipedia and search the meaning of the word “satire”. I only say this because the average age in here is very young, and most readers already have trouble understanding sarcasm…let alone a satire…and I’m not interested in reading a bunch of useless comments