TWO FOR TWO THURSDAYS!

Good news everybody! I can guarantee you a HABS win tonight!

On my way into work this morning, I was going through my usual routing of a hang-over headache and a zombie like stroll through the herd of cattle (or it might have been the masses of bodies filing out of the metro…couldn’t tell). As I was muttering thirteen different prayers to every major religion I know for a cup of coffee, I heard a familiar voice screaming and shouting in the distance. As I got closer, the shrieks of the world coming to an end, and how we should avoid Dairy Queen since it is owned by the Anti-Christ, I quickly realized it was that time of year when crazy cat-suit man comes out of hiding.

For those of you who are newer to the thread, crazy cat suit man shows up every now and then, and gives the morning rat race a ray of sunshine. By ray of sunshine of course I mean he reeks of pee, faeces, scotch (he drinks Canadian Club…I would recognize that smell anywhere), years of sweat, regurgitated general tao chicken, and a little “je ne sais quoi” which emulates from the suit he wears.

His suit is an orange cat. Imagine an anorexic Youppi, with whiskers, a tail, some black stripes, drag him through the sewer systems face down, and you have the cat suit. But crazy cat suit man is not your average loopy. He tends to multiple sense. Some mornings he’s dancing, some morning he’s break dancing (although I’m fairly sure he’s convulsing from the sobriety), but most mornings he does his best to let us all know when the world is in danger.

Crazy Cat Suit Man is smarter than most people give him credit for. Don’t mind the drool hanging from his lips, because he’s intelligent enough to deliver his message in code, thus providing his enlightening information only to those who can decipher the “code”

Since we’re all buddies here, I’ll share his secret with you. His code is rather complex, but I’ve figured out that he says the opposite of what is going to happen. You see every time I see him he tells me I’m being stalked by demons, and that the world is coming to an end. Low and behold; I haven’t had to call on the exorcist, nor did the earth shatter in to a billion pieces.

Every once in a while he’ll throw a curve ball our way and make predictions about the weather, stock market (although I’m yet to find the Goojy boojy corporation’s stock…), and on rare occasions he’ll predict HABS games. So far he has a 100% success rate, and this morning he said we will loose.

So get your rolls of $100 out people! This one is a lock! It’s in the bag! Oh holy Crazy Cat Suit Man…how can we ever thank you?

CANADA RULES, USA DROOLS

If our beloved Montreal Canadiens facing the Washington Capitals is any indication of the two nation’s superiority, yesterday was one of many indications that Canada is a far superior nation than is the U.S. of A. Except for a 5-10 minute period in the second, we dominated offensively (especially when you know who was on the ice), we shut them down defensively (what superb execution) and the goalie did his best impression of the Cristowall. The coaching staff has a plan, and the team implemented the strategy to a “T”. There isn’t much else one has to argue to prove this point, other than pointing out the Ovechkin (the leader for the Maurice Richard Trophy and arguably the most electrifying player in the NHL) was held to two scoring chances through out the game, with only one of them being dangerous.

Now even though gauging the superiority of a nation based on a hockey game is as accurate as starting at an arbitrary location and counting a random number of steps to dig for hidden treasure. But keep in mind that this team, based out of the capital of “the greatest nation in the world” handed out “the greatest bolony contract in the world”. If George McPhee likes taking oversized suppositories this much, he should give Jenna Jameson a call. I hear she’s a leading expert in the field.

To seal the deal and prove my point that Washington doesn't possess the sharpest tools in the shed (George W. does bring down the average quite a bit), one doesn’t have to look far. “Have you ever seen the Washington Monument? It looks NOTHING like the guy! It looks more like a tribute to Bill Clinton!”

Thick…just thick.

OH CAPTAIN, MY CAPTAIN…GO CAPTAIN

I’ve noticed heightened talk about trading our captain and leader Saku Koivu, and I thought this would be a good time for my two cents or five nickels on the subject. Captain K is undoubtedly going through rough times on the ice. His fight against cancer, and various injuries over the years (most notable his eye) have taken their tolls on his chiselled and well tuned body. He’s no longer the speedy trickster on the ice, and more often than not he seems to have lost his touch out there. With all this in mind I can see why many media “gurus” and fans have jumped on the “trade him while he’s still got some worth” band-wagon. Being the unbiased and level headed gent that I am, I will respectfully accept their opinions, and call them all selfish, unappreciative and spoiled boob-heads with less integrity than they have poor hockey sense.

Saku Koivu’s athletism, even today, is far superior to your average player in the NHL. His work ethic and sportsmanship is inspiring to watch, and his leadership qualities are oozing from all seven orifices in his body (I’ll let you figure out where they are). Through his polite, respectful, yet frank and honest ways, he has lead this team both on and off the ice for almost a decade. It’s no surprise that as a Captain of the organisation, he holds one of the longer terms of service, and is the first European to wear the embroidered “C” on the jersey.

Over the years he has been burdened with young players on his line, when player of his calibre usually should be flanked by experienced veterans, and thus reeking havoc on the opposing team. He had every right to publicly disagree with these decisions and criticise the coach, and he could have also lost interest and motivation. However, his work ethic is such that he took all given challenges with a smile, did what he could to help the team, and did it to the best of his abilities.

Koivu has been left to dry and scrutinized by the fan base and media on more than one occasion during his service here. Yet he kept turning the other cheek and served this team in more ways than an athlete should. Saku gave more of himself to the organisation than any player since our last cup, and more than all the players combined in today’s roster. To point fingers at him, and treat him as trade bait “while he still has a value on the market” is not only demeaning to him as an athlete, but undermines everything he has done for the this organisation, the fans and this city over his career. I find this attitude of “what have you done for me lately”, rather unfair, brutish, unjust, and all in all not disheartening. Saku Koivu deserves every right to finish his career in Montreal, should he choose, and he has earned the right to do it as our Captain.

At the very least our dear captain deserves our unquestionable support through the rough times. There is no way he leaves this city without a bitter taste in everyone’s mouth, unless he asks for a trade to try and win the cup with, say Detroit, before his career is over. However barring such a nightmarish scenario, Saku is here to stay because thankfully we have GM who is well versed in the art of loyalty. Bob Gainey fully understands the ramifications of dumping players in the long run. What most has been, wanna be, Epsilonic arm chair GMs forget is that in the pursuit of free agents, issues like this are worth a lot more than taxes, language issues, or media.

THE BOYS ARE BACK IN TOWN

Here we are once more, reunited like Sunny and Share. I don’t know about you guys, but I missed you all a bunch. I was thinking of the forum every day like a teenage boy dreams about models, and now that I’m here I’m as happy as a Leprecon in a brewery.

With less than three months remaining in the season, and our HABS pushing up the standings you may be wondering if I’ll be dedicating my time with informative and analytical posts, discussing the myriad of pros and cons that come with our local professional hockey club, and the affixed media frenzy, whilst leaving the magical dancing animals out of the discussion. I am determined and focused to keep the voices out of my head, and keep the discussion focused to the issues at hand.

Yesterday I was having a conversation with the toaster about the sub-prime loans the major financial institutions have declared losses against, its effects on the stock market, and the ramifications on the North American market’s future. Out of nowhere the can of Campbells cream of mushroom soup interrupted (as he always does) and reminded me about the home and away games we have with the Washington Capitals, and how they have been surging up the standings recently (currently in third on NL standings). Zorro the beagle further reminded me about how Ovechkin had two goals in last night’s All-Star game, and how he seemed more motivated than ever since he signed his new contract.

The discussion lead me to realise that the Capitals are going to be more than formidable opponents, and that this series will be tight and difficult. I sure hope that the coaching staff does what’s necessary to carry over the momentum and confidence from the last two games to this week, and get this winning streak to continue.

PS Over the weekend the Salt shaker and Pepper mill got married. It was a beautiful ceremony. We all hope to see little sugar cubes soon.

HLD Making his Comeback

There is only one thing that gives a man more pleasure than a blowout win for his favorite tem, and I can’t begin to talk about it here since it’s a family forum. Stay tuned for the X-rated blurbs of HLD for details on man’s greatest pleasure (catch it on HBO @ 25:00pm)

Games such as the one we were blessed with last night are remembered throughout the season. The whole team produced, the whole team scored, and Mr. Kovalev put on a show that will be in high light reels for 2007/2008 season. I mean, you deke the guy, get held, loose a glove, still beat him to the puck, deke him again, pick up your glove, deke him again, travel around the slot, and circulate the puck for what seemed like an eternity in the Boston zone getting quality chances after quality chances. When Kovalev’s line was on the ice last night, it was more reminiscent of the Harlem Globe Trotters playing the New York Nationals, than two NHL caliber teams facing off against each other.

With that said let me bring you all back down to earth. After a superb performance like last night by the local team, it’s more than easy for the fans to get overzealous and be overwhelmed by a blinding optimism. This overwhelming emotion is wonderful, and necessary. We should all indulge for at least 24 hours in imagining our team holding Lord Stanley’s cup a few months from now. However come tonight, it’s time to get our game faces on and a heavy dose of a reality check. As much as Canadiens have had the Bruin’s number in recent year, the New Jersey Devils have had our number. You see Martin Brodeur is actually a transformer (he’s one of the Autobots mind you…those are the good guys right?) and when he plays the Montreal Canadiens he transforms into “Mega Uber Goaltender Man). If the teams goes into tomorrows game over confident, we risk being on the receiving end of a thrashing similar to the one from last night.

So you’re wondering, does a blowout game like last night have any long term effects on the team? Well games like last night are as important to a team’s long term success, as the stock market is draining my portfolio like a blood sucking, money eating merciless machine. In case you’re not following me that means “yes”.

In the short long term the team can try and build off of the momentum of this total domination to get a winning streak going.

In the mid-long term, when the team is going through a rough patch, they can look back to the not so distant past and build off of the positive vibes of a game where everybody was gelling and playing like a well oiled machine.

In the long long term, games like this are a major boost of confidence in ones ability as an individual, and as a team. This confidence cannot be bought, trained into obtaining, nor can it be easily lost once achieved. This is the fourth dimension, the sixth sens, the karma, the force…whatever you want to call it, the extra edge a player needs to be an NHL commodity, rather than just an NHL caliber player.