THE NEWEST CAPTAIN

Last nights game was mediocre to begin, finished OK. Price was great, monkey off back, blah blah blah…I have nothing to add over what has been said, and I I have more important things to talk about this morning in any case.

Yesterday I logged in to the Official Montreal Canadiens Fan Forum and found a message from the moderators. I realised that the dream is over…the moderating team has finally caught on to me and I’m being banned.

As I read through the official message in official language waiting for the impending “we regretfully inform you that you have been banned”. To my surprise it never came. Instead I realised that the moderating team was offering me a “C” on my jersey. After a short description of what had earned me the privilege to sport the “C” and a short description of the role of a user with a captain title should do around here, I thought to my self if they were talking to the right guy. Did they really want this yapping, hallucinating, satirical, Maple Leaf hating guy to sport such a unique and honourable title? And thus I reverted to one of my golden rules: Never point out someone’s mistake if it benefits you.

As you can tell by my title under the avatar, I have humbly accepted my role as a Captain in these waters (I won’t step on your toes Admiral ;)). As such, I wanted to begin my official “role modelling” with a bang. And as you can tell by the fact that I’m stalling I have no idea what to do and how to do it.

I figure one of the roles of a captain in a locker room is to keep team moral up. Short of Fed-Exing all users 24s (all those over 16 of course) I figured the next best thing would be to share my years of wisdom on how to remain happy and positive, no matter what life and the HABS throw at you.

The tools and techniques used by modern man emulate what we’ve been doing for thousands of year. When you’re down there are many things one can do. Whether it’s the bottle, your local official Pharmacist, your local unofficial pharmacist, playing a bongo in the nude or exercising, it’s simply a matter f finding what works for you. I personally don’t discriminate and have indulged in all of the above at one time or another….well maybe with the exception of one. I’ve never been too big of a fan of exercising, unless we’re talking about working on the Canadian one-pack.

However I would be lying if I said either of those was my main source of positive energy. I have found and located my holy grail and made sure to keep it near me for a long long time. I figure as a captain I would be holding back if I didn’t share this secret weapon with the rest of you. So the next time the HABS loose to the Leafs (god forbid) or we go on a loosing streak, remember there are greater things in life:

PS If you're reading this on the blog, please check the Montreal Canadiens Official Fan Forum for the remainder of the article under the MN-Sub forum.